


Making Love Out of Nothing at All

by Yellow_Beacon



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: ANY RE-PUBLICATION FOR PROFIT/MONETIZED SITES/APPS IS NOT AUTHORIZED OR SUPPORTED BY ME, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Choking/Breathplay, Creampie, F/M, First Time, Hongjoong is a sweetheart, Idk how to write tags don't mind me, Noona Kink, Porn With Plot, RIP mullet, Reader is a fan, Rough Oral Sex, You are missed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 07:42:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20060446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yellow_Beacon/pseuds/Yellow_Beacon
Summary: Porn with angsty fucking plot. I supply wetness in your eyes and wetness in your pants.Reader is a barista who happens to meet someone she recognize just before closing up, is it fate? Probably not. Is it going to be happy ending? Probably not.





	Making Love Out of Nothing at All

**Author's Note:**

> Just to be clear, this is not a y/n fic because I seriously can't write in "you" form (or whatever you call it) to save my life. Oc/Reader is a woman in her mid 20s living in Europe, working as a Barista. She is nameless, without any clear info about her or her personality. Ya'll can love it or hate it. Also, this is basically just a hot mess, I wrote it under a few nights last week, and it completly fucked up my sleeping schedule, I slept like 15 hours across one week lmao. Also, English is not my first language so if there's spelling mistakes, grammar etc just let me know <3  
Please leave a comment and kudos if you enjoyed this, I poured my heart and soul into it and I'm thirsy as fuck for a little love back *chefs kiss*  
I listen to: Ritual - Tïesto, Rita Ora, Jonas Blue  
365 - Katy Perry, Zedd  
Senorita - Shawn Mendes, Camila Cabello (I know the n is supposed to have a little squiggly thing on it but its 3 am and I couldn't figure it out because I'm tired as fuck)
> 
> Title comes from Air Supply - Making Love Out of Nothing at All
> 
> Update 6/8: Re-read and fixed some spelling mistakes and weird sentences.

It'd been a quiet day with rain pondering down since lunch. The few patrons that were in the shop shuddered slightly from the sudden cold spring weather. They were scattered with a fair distance between them, as people often sat at cafes. I was cleaning the espresso machine and the working bench underneath, looking up from time to time to scan the perimeter of the cafe and making sure to be at close hand if someone needed something. A man standing outside in the pouring rain caught my glance. He was probably in his thirties and holding a big fancy camera, pointing it towards the cafe. I guessed that he was just a tourist that wanted to take a photo for future memories. I smiled for myself and went back to my cleaning. Looking back up 10 seconds or so later and the man was still there, taking photo after photo. A sudden rush of discomfort washed over me. My face was probably in all those photos and I just got the feeling that he was up to no good. A phone call seemed to interrupt his snapping and he hurried off quickly. I exhaled, maybe it was just me being paranoid.  
Time moved quickly, I was closing, finishing the last touches of cleaning when the last patron waved goodbye,  
“Thank you, bye” I yelled and waved back, hoping that she’d been the last one for today. I didn’t really have the time to help another patron.  
Another 5 minutes passed, and I was just about to go back to the office and get the keys when the doorbell emitted a soft clang as someone entered the door. A man, just slightly taller than I entered. He had a mysterious, almost cocky feeling about him, dressed in ripped washed outs, a grey trench coat and a black cap covered his eyes. A face mask covered the lower part of his face as well and I couldn’t see him properly until he was standing in front of me at the other side of the desk. I inhaled sharply when I recognized the chocolate browns that met mine. My stomach jumped and I gripped onto the desk hard to secure my footing, an embarrassing gesture but I couldn’t care less at that moment.  
“Hi” He said, as confidently as he could, but the accent still broke through. I gulped, not really trusting my own voice just yet.  
There was a pause for only a few seconds, and the man pulled down the face mask down his chin revealing a cute button nose and lips that were pulled in an uncertain smile, “You know me?” he asked, a bit hesitant with my lack of reaction.  
I bit my lip and cleared my throat, feeling how my face heated up, suddenly self-conscious of my looks. The 9 hours of sweating, messy hair, smeared makeup, syrup on my hands and underarms and with coffee powder covering my body like a sheen layer didn’t do me justice. Because the man was someone I'd only met in my dreams, a man I admired, looked up to and loved, and my heart skipped before I opened my mouth,  
“Yes, I know you. You are Hongjoong” he gave me a relieved look.  
I looked around; I couldn’t understand that he was there. I’d entered some fan competitions lately, but I think I'd remembered if the prize would’ve been a private meeting. Was there a hidden camera? I looked over at the door, prepared for my friends to run in, laughing.  
I asked him about my suspicions and while he laughed, my heart pounded. I bit my lip, nervous that I’d made a bad first impression for making assumptions while he waved his hands in front of him.  
“No no, no camera, no prize, Just me. I need… to see you” It seemed like even though it took him a moment to articulate the words, he understood what I said. He let out a small noise of frustration, “How should I… are you Yeodonseang or Noona?”  
I felt my heart skip, and my face flushed, “Noona” I answered and Hongjoong nodded slowly, biting softly on his lower lip, seemingly lost in thought for a moment and my still confused heart was racing. I blurted out before I could stop myself, “What are you doing here?” I swallowed, hoping that I didn’t offend him with my straightforwardness. He didn’t mind but also didn’t seem to understand exactly what I was asking, “I had concert yesterday. Today we have… free time”  
I nodded and pressed on, “But what are you doing here?” emphasizing the “here”  
He opened his mouth to answer but was interrupted when the bell above the door rang, marking that someone entered. Hongjoong froze and quickly pulled the mask over his mouth again. He didn’t have to worry though, a big man in his fifties looked over at us and I yelled out a small, “Sorry, we’re closed”  
“Doesn’t look like it” He scoffed under a big moustache, eyes squinting and beer belly peeking out from underneath the shirt he was wearing.  
“I was just about to get the key” I lied, gave Hongjoong a glance which he returned, eyes peeking up from underneath the fringe, the twinkle in them made me breathless and I turned on my heel quickly. I took the chance to change into my civil clothes when I walked past the changing room. Taking a moment to remove the makeup under my eyes with a paper towel and wash my hands. A pair of ripped blacks hugged my legs and I thanked my lucky star for deciding to wear an Ateez band shirt before I grabbed my bag and jeans jacket as well. I grabbed the key in the office, my heart was doing somersaults and I took a deep breath before walking back in. The man was gone but Hongjoong wasn’t. The locks from his mullet peeked out from underneath the cap, resting on the collar of the coat as he was standing with his back toward me, watching the rain outside, protected from curious eyes by the one-way shaded windows.  
“I’m just going to…” I trailed off and walked to the door, locked it and then turned around to see him smiling at me. He motioned with his hand at my shirt.  
“You are Atiny, I know... I” he fought to find the right words while I killed the main lights, setting a dim and cosy atmosphere. I motioned for him to join me on the sofa in the far back where we would be basically invisible to the people outside. He removed his cap, running his fingers through the long hair, “I saw you yesterday, driving past us in the city. You like loud music, I heard “Say my name” You were singing, dancing, rapping” He wiggled his shoulders, a playful smile on his lips.  
I bit the insides of my cheeks, ashamed that I both, were so lost in my mind that I'd totally missed them, and that Hongjoong had seen my awkward dance moves because God knows I couldn’t dance at all. A sound of regret exited from my lips and I hid my face in my hands as my face flushed an even deeper red than before.  
“No no, you very cute, don’t hide” The playful smile turned into one with warmth, “So, I want to... talk”  
“Talk?” I asked, getting increasingly more confused where things were going to go.  
He ran his fingers through his hair, an awkward expression on his face and he wet his lips, “I want to meet you, not only see you. Want to hear your voice, make you laugh” I couldn’t help but stare, still in disbelief that he was sitting there in front of me, and now talking about how much he wanted to see me that my heart jumped, my breath choked and the ends of my ears matched the colour in my face. He played with the ends of his hair, almost shyly and with the same look of disbelief in his eyes that were in mine. Like I was the famous idol he’d been longing for.  
“You are very beautiful. My heart…” His voice had dropped an octave, from embarrassment of not being able to explain how he felt. He drummed softly on his chest in the rhythm of fast heartbeats and I wanted to hide my face in my hands again, “You seem so happy, listening to us. I've had dream, all day, planning how... I could meet you. I needed to be… careful. My members... didn’t want me to but… I had to”  
My heart was beating fast in my chest. If he’d been anyone else, a normal everyday human, I’d run as fast as my legs would take me. But Hongjoong wasn’t just an everyday person and even though he was from a smaller company, still fresh from debut, he couldn’t risk being seen like we were right now. Therefor the silent stalking and planning. The whole situation was still so unreal, and I pinched my thigh to make sure that I hadn’t fainted on work and this was all just a dream. It hurt, my brows furrowed from the pain and I played it off like confusion. The whole situation seemed so random. Thinking back, I couldn’t even remember a situation yesterday where they could’ve hidden out of my sight, and the fact that only a minute top had been enough for him to want to see me again made butterflies explode in my stomach.  
“How did you find me?” I asked, curious.  
“My manager” he answered, almost proud of his accomplishment of finding me, a smile on his lips again and I remembered the man that had taken photos of what I'd thought was the cafe earlier. Seemed like my gut was right about that one.  
Hongjoong rested his face on his clasped knuckles and watched me like I hung the moon and all the stars. I’d gotten an explanation, but I was still as confused as ever. I know I looked good with a face of make-up and body in certain angles, but I was all and all just an average girl, with average looks, average weight, height, living an average life… And he was, well, Hongjoong. What else could I say? He looked amazing, from the tousled mane of hair, to the challenging twinkle in the brown of his eyes, the pink tinted lips. I didn’t even need to get started on his body. He had that casual feeling of just throwing something on and look amazing, his clothes slim and form fitting, giving me a nice view of how well he was built. I suddenly got conscious of my own body as his seemed to not have one ounce of fat. I bit my lip and averted my eyes, suddenly shy. Still finding the whole situation bizarre, the man I'd been daydreaming about since their debut last year was just sitting there, watching me with a small smile on his lips. I finally found the courage to ask what I'd been wondering since he introduced himself.  
“Why me?”  
“Ah, Jagi” He sighed, overdramatically, like I was insane for ever questioning it, “Why not?”  
My mouth clamped shut. I didn’t have an answer for that. I couldn’t really argue when I didn’t know how I looked in his eyes. I must've worn a surprised expression because he half whispered, half chuckled "Cute" in Korean and before I realized what had happened, he took my hands in his across the table. The feeling of electricity ran through my body and my mind paused to process what was happening before it screamed at me to let him go, that I shouldn't touch him. His breath hitched, it was subtle, but I noticed and wondered if he felt the same feeling. I tried to let him go but he kept me there, comforting but firm, locking his gaze with mine and I could feel myself melting.  
“I… know how you feel. I’m idol… but I’m human, like you, ok? 10 fingers, like you…” He rubbed the palms of my hands with his thumbs, tracing across my fingers with his “A beating heart, like yours” He pulled me closer, across the table and pressed my open hand over his heart. It was beating fast, possibly even faster than mine.  
“Why you Jagi? Why not the girl I saw on our concert, she was cute too. Singing, dancing, rapping, like you…” He paused and gulped, eyes flickering from my eyes to lips since I got significantly closer from him pulling me over the table.  
“You are… special, you are something else… Noona”  
He breathed out the last word, face flushing and let his tongue flick out, licking his lower lip before softly biting down on it, a shaky breath leaving his mouth. The warm, playful feeling that we’d had going on was blown away and I felt something else resonating in me. I’d never had an age kink, especially not on guys younger than me, but the way Hongjoong looked at me with the same intense look a predator had watching its prey, lit a flame in my body and I felt how my pulse picked up. The primal feeling of want and lust drenched me like a cold shower, the hair on my neck standing. He bit his tongue and gave me a look that reminded me of how he’d look at stage. He could feel what I felt, and he knew, was so sure of his charisma that it made him cocky. This was dangerous, the air around us suffocated me, his whole being had changed instantly and I didn’t yet know if I was nervous or excited. My tongue darted out to wet my lips and his fingers found their way to my face, stroking softly down my cheekbone with his fingertips, butterfly light over my throat to my neck where he stopped to grab a handful of hair. I choked out a moan and he chuckled breathlessly.  
“So sensitive. Good girl” He praised and guided my hand to his chest again, pressing it there for me to feel his racing heart again, encouraging me to come closer.  
“Not here, come” I said, and he followed in my steps as I guided us to the office in the back.  
I turned around with my back against the edge of the writing desk, the sight of him taking off his coat and throwing it to the side, running a hand through his hair and biting his lower lip, undressing me with his eyes already, made my knees weak. He slammed the door behind him close, hard enough to make the walls rattle and I clenched the edge of the desk behind me, thrilled and nervous. The light in the ceiling remained turned off, the only light in the room came from the window behind me, where natural soft light flowed in. He caught me in his arms and lift me up on the desk, separating my legs by standing between them. His forwardness made it hard to breathe and I gasped when he held onto me, the feeling of his skin against mine, made me shudder.  
How many times hadn’t I dreamed about this moment? For us to get lost in one another, devastated and ravaged until we couldn’t think. How many times hadn’t I fantasized about feeling like I did right now when his mouth placed butterfly kisses on my throat, his hands on my hips and mine pulling on his hair, my eyes towards the ceiling and my arousal already burning in my core.  
“Ah, Noona” He moaned in my ear and I gasped, placing my hands around his waist, urging him to come closer. He placed a hand on my chest, pushing on me to lay down and I inhaled sharply at the weight of him on my body, his lean figure pressing on me. I could feel how the muscles in his abdomen clenched to keep him up and make sure that I had breathing room. The picture I had of him changed in an instant. Hongjoong was strong, the parts of him that wasn’t lean was pure muscles and I shuddered. Both because the very apparent boner that poked against me and the realization that if he wanted to, he could do whatever he wanted to me, my own strength not even comparable. My legs rubbed against the sides of his hips wantonly and I pushed him forward with them slightly, grinding slowly. He realized, paused and locked gazes with me, suddenly shy that I could feel all of him. My stomach flipped and I feared that my neediness scared him, but I realized quickly that it wasn’t the case. The chocolate brown that previously had shined with cocky mischief and warm affection were now almost blown out. The black of his pupil had swallowed almost all. The tension between us could be cut by a butter knife and I gulped. The sound of it loud in the dead silent room. My heart was beating in my ears so loud that I was sure Hongjoong could hear it as well.  
“I’ve been waiting… to have you like this...” He brushed his hand over my cheek, and I leaned into his touch which earned me a small smile.  
“How did you know that this would happen?” I asked and he chuckled.  
“I hoped that you want me. We are 8. I’m lucky”  
I placed my arms around his neck, fingers playing with the long hair in the back, pulling on it softly, scraping my nails down his neck. He shivered involuntarily and I exhaled a smile, he was so sensitive to my touch. He was just about to dip down to place more kisses underneath my cheekbone again when the melody of a phone call made us both jump. He gave me a longing gaze that begged for forgiveness when he realized it was his that rang and took a step back away from my body. I immediately felt the loss of warmth and curled up on myself, sulky while he answered the call. I tried to not check him out but damn, he was making it hard for me, strutting around in those military boots, a clear dent in his pants still. My fingers itched to give myself some release, but I fought against the reflex, my arousal tense like a cord. I sat up again, still watching him with hooded eyes. Hongjoong answered the other person with a pout on his lips, a pout that soon changed into him biting his own tongue when he realized the intensity, I was watching him with. He finished the call, muttering things that sounded like swear words. He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.  
“I… have to go. It was my manager; I must go back. We have… how do you say it… we can’t be outside alone for long"  
“Curfew?” I asked, a bit sad. My arousal still burning uncomfortable between my legs while Hongjoong nodded solemnly. The disappointment on his face made me yearn for him even more and I sighed, knowing there was nothing I could do. The sudden silence was deafening, and I felt tears in my eyes. Was this it? My dream, this moment, over? I know that I was the luckiest any Atiny had ever been but at the same time it sort of felt like I'd been desperately let down.  
“Don’t feel sad Jagi, I…” Hongjoong started and I was happy that he’d changed back to calling me Jagi, fearing that I’d jumped him then and there if he called me Noona again, “I’m not supposed to but maybe…” He grabbed a block of sticky notes at the desk and wrote down a number, and two names, “This is my room, my manager, and my… fake name. I have staff in the reception” He told me the name of the hotel and made me repeat it a few times to make sure that I remembered it. He gave me another look of longing, put on the cap that had been resting on the table we sat at and fished the face mask out of the pocket of his jacket.  
“Two hours Jagi” He said, and I could only nod, excitement making my heart pound. I unlocked the door and let him out, before collecting my own stuff and was out the door in the same moment I saw him rounding a corner.

..........

I’d taken a shower, thankful to the manager I’d been cursing earlier, feeling more confident while clean. I looked over my collection of underwear and lingerie. Was there really something that was too much in a moment like this? As much as I wanted to make him speechless, I didn't want it to seem like I was dressing up too much. Like he’d said before, we were both human. I scoffed, frustrated because time was ticking, and I'd rather die than being late. I reasoned back and forth with myself finally deciding that I only had one chance to make an impression and the matching black set that I only saved for special occasions hugged me in all the right places, the lace and cotton soft on my skin. I decided on simple black slacks and a woollen grey sweatshirt, blow dried my hair and put on basic makeup. If things went as I hoped, I didn't want to leave half a face of makeup in his bed. Time passed quickly and soon the taxi I’d called the moment I got home, waited for me. I took a final glance in the mirror in my hallway, my heart pounding with excitement.  
I told the hotel name to the driver and we were there in less than 15 minutes. It was a five star one and the taxi driver gave me a subtle look of suspicion, checking out my clothes while I paid, as if I wore a cocktail dress underneath. My hands shook a little when I entered the reception, holding onto the sticky note Hongjoong had given me as if it was my lifeline. As I closed in on the desk, I remembered that I didn’t had an idea how Hongjoong’s manager looked like. I never got a good look at him when he was taking those photos outside in the rain earlier today and when I scanned the reception, no one there looked even remotely like him. My heart sank like a boulder to the bottom of my stomach. I was not going to give up, however and decided that I’d fight my way in if I had too. I started with the woman at the desk. She gave me a small pleasant smile, more so because she had to than her being happy to see me, eyes scanning my clothes with the same suspicion as the taxi driver.  
“Hi, there is someone I'm looking for. He’s supposed to show me to a room?”  
The woman squinted at me, a curious look of perplexity and concern in her eyes which quickly changed when I handled her the note with the name and supposed alias. She gave me the kind of respectful and slightly jealous smile that you’d give a person that’d just won something and reached for the phone on her desk. She called out a name and within 10 seconds a man excited an elevator at our left. I recognized him and he called out for me with an awkwardly long distance between us.  
“Hey beautiful girl, come with me”  
I wanted to sink through the floor when at least 15 people turned their heads towards us and I hung my head, embarrassed.  
“The note” The manager ordered as soon as the doors closed and I gave him the sticky note, he looked at it from a longer distance than needed, as if he was farsighted but refused to wear glasses. He nodded and gave it back to me, “You should be honoured. You’re the first on this tour, he has been holding out surprisingly long, considering we’ll be done in a few days”  
My whole body froze to ice when he mentioned that I was the first one, meaning that there had been others in the past and most likely would be more in the future, probably more than he could remember. I cursed my stupid heart for thinking just for a second that I was special in any way. He was an idol, and with the look and charisma he had, fans were ready to serve themselves on silver plates for him. Just like I'd done. The manager noticed the change of mood and reassured me,  
“Don’t worry, you might still be the only one this time, it has happened before”  
“Thank you” I forced out, just as the elevator stopped, the words left a bad taste in my mouth.  
“Go left and then right at the next corner” The manager said and bowed slightly. I bowed back, simply because it felt better since he was my elder. The feeling of conflict weighed on my shoulders. I walked down the corridor, my steps heavy, pausing when I reached the door and I checked again if I was at the right room. I stared at it, debating on whether to knock or just turn away and forget about this whole situation. I didn’t want to be just one of many, no one did, and it didn’t matter that he was an idol. Everyone wanted to imagine that they were special. Was the reward good enough? I asked myself. I felt like my heart was breaking and tears threatened to swell over. But if I walked away now, he’d find someone else and I honestly couldn’t live with the fact that I could’ve had the night of my life. I took a deep breath and tapped at my tear canals, as if the movement would force the them back. I knew that this was one night, and then he’d be gone. This was their first time in Europe, and I was hellbent on being the only one he’d come back to. Telling myself this as a mantra helped and I knocked on the door. Only a few seconds passed before it was pulled open and he was standing there, looking as wonderfully ethereal as a dream. He’d changed as well, wearing a grey dress shirt and black slacks, only socks and barefaced. I wet my lips, wondering how I even considered walking away. He smirked, gave me a playful look and I swallowed down the nervous feeling that threatened to take my voice away, “We’re matching” He said, voice amused and husky and chuckled when I realized as well,  
“We sure do” my voice shook a little from the pressure of choking down tears earlier and the anxiety of my thoughts.  
I wanted, needed for him to remember me and only me. Ready to seduce him with every might in my body, I turned it into a play that immediately turned out to be harder than I thought when Hongjoong’s expression changed. A look of worry made his eyebrows furrow and mouth to be pressed into a thin line as he stood aside to invite me in.  
“Are you ok?” He asked and the concern felt like an arrow to the heart.  
I paused with my answer as I entered the room, everything from the cream coloured walls to the crisp white sheets on the bed spoke of luxury and I glanced out the window. We were on the 20th floor and the city lights was like an ocean underneath us. I nodded slightly before taking a deep breath, talking while exhaling.  
“Yeah, I’m fine”  
Hongjoong sat down on the bed, legs crossed, and I bit down on my lip, imagining how he’d look, laying on his back, hair sprawled across the pillow and the same blown out black eyes he’d had earlier at my cafe. I licked my lips and fought the urge to jump him then and there. He motioned with his head to the place next to him and I felt a familiar flame crackling in the pit of my stomach.  
“Tell me” His voice had a dead serious tone and I realized I’d been busted, “My members don't like talk. But... I know"  
I pressed my lips together, feeling how my ears flushed red from the shame. I looked down at my hands, the anxiety made my hearth race. I took a deep breath and decided to just get it over with it. Hongjoong was determined and I know that there wasn’t an idea to try and convince him.  
“Can I… be your only one in Europe?” I muttered and Hongjoong squinted, not able to pick up a word I said. I looked away; my heart pounded so fast that I could hear it in my ears. I fell back on the bed in a weak escape attempt from his burning eyes and looked up at the white ceiling instead, taking a deep breath while I felt my face heating up, “I said, can I be your only one in Europe?”  
“My only one?” he repeated, puzzled. I imagined the small wrinkle that showed up between his eyebrows when he didn't understand something but refused to look at him, scared that I'd chicken out and be unable to continue,  
“Your manager told me, that I was the first on this tour. He seemed surprised, almost impressed that you’d managed to hold on for so long and I really thought that I…” I swallowed, and sighed heavily, trailing off, “I’m just stupid, imagining things that weren’t there… I'm, I'm sorry… I’m making a fool out of myself” I hid my face in my hands feeling how the flush had crept down my neck, ashamed of the whole situation.  
I felt the bed dip and I could hear how he moved over to my head, carefully removing my hands from my face, a small smile on his lips. Eyes crinkled with warmth and I gasped breathlessly as his touch send ripples across my skin.  
“I said before, I like talking...” My eyebrows furrowed and I looked over at him as he scooted back slightly to lean against the headboard of the bed, “I talk with Atiny… I surprise… them, we talk”  
I could hardly believe my own ears, was this really what the manager thought we were going to do as well? Just talk? Was it just my own nasty thoughts that believed him to have a girl in every capital? I felt even more ridiculous than before; I had seriously been on my way of walking out on a fantasy I'd had for 6 months because Hongjoong was a sweetheart who cared about his fans.  
“Told you, you are special Jagi. If you want, you will be the only one... this time” He smiled from ear to ear and I could honestly cry but fought against it as he motioned for me to come up to him. I laid next to him instead, my head resting on his chest and his fingers in my hair and it felt like I was blushing from head to toe, “I choose you and I know I made the right choice” he whispered now, leaving kisses and nuzzled into my hair. The pace of his heart picked up and looked up at him, only to get a kiss on the forehead instead. I bit down on my lips from the sudden sweet gesture, holding back the shyness that flooded through my body. Hongjoong chuckled softly and lied down properly, pulling me on top of him. The sweet moment was over in an instant as the sudden change of position send small shockwaves through my body. His hands on my hips felt like they were made to be there. I supported myself with one hand on his chest, feeling his heart fluttering like a trapped sparrow underneath. I couldn’t help but reach forward to swipe a strand of hair from his forehead and his brows furrowed like I’d burned him, he chewed softly on his bottom lip, eyes hooded.  
“Noona…” He whispered and I hummed a response, “I choose you because I hope you can… teach me”  
“Teach you?” I couldn’t help but ask as I leaned forward, planting a kiss just below his ear, where his carotid artery was. His pulse just next to it picked up in speed and I continued. My kisses sloppy mixed with soft nibbles and soon he was gasping underneath me.  
“Noona, please listen” He whined but I didn't, couldn’t. I loved the sounds he made and simply couldn’t control myself as I started to unbutton his shirt.  
I only undid one or two before I was manhandled to the side so that we switched positions, him holding me down at my wrists and coming dangerously close to my face, locking his eyes with me and I choked out a gasp.  
“Listen” He ordered, dominance radiating from his whole body as he pushed his entire weight on me and I submitted without question, his eyes black and hooded, and his half hard cock pushing against my clothed cunt. I gulped, the burn that my arousal emitted made me want to rub my legs together and I fought against it. The man that had been writhing underneath me was gone and I felt like this version of him was a force that could not be reckoned with.  
“I…” He paused, closing his eyes as his cheeks flushed but I didn't dare to make fun of his embarrassment now, “I have never… I mean, I have been close but never” He wet his lips, closed his eyes and took a deep breath before locking his gaze with mine again, “You are... my first”  
I choked on my breath, it felt as if I’d been punched in the stomach and Hongjoong looked away, ashamed of his lack of experience. My heart swam over with affection. I didn’t care whether it was about the time or opportunity or that he’d been saving himself up for a special moment, this was it.  
With me.  
I’d punch the air in victory but decided it was inappropriate and my conscious silence seemed to bring him down. I wet my lips and cupped his face in my hands.  
“Words can’t explain how happy you just made me. It’s an honour, and I know how I sound but you… you’re perfect, you’re lips, your eyes, your nose” My fingers brushed against his lower lip before traveling down his sides, “And this body…” My fingers reached forward, and I continued to unbutton his shirt, slowly, like I was opening a gift and I paused after pulling it over his shoulders. I’d imagined this moment more times than I could remember but nothing, not my wildest dream could compare with how he looked. He bit his lip still a bit shy but loving the attention I gave him, drank my desire for him like it was the only thing he craved and I placed my hands on his chest, feeling the muscles underneath the soft skin on his stomach, flex under my touch, “You’ve dreamed about today, I’ve dreamed for 6 months, about you…” I planted kisses on his throat again, earning a sharp inhale that turned into a gasp as my hands travelled across his chest, muscles clenching again under my light touches and I bit my lips at the sight, “Imagined you a thousand times, imagined a moment like this, getting myself off with a photo of you in my hand, never be able to have a one night stand without fantasizing that they were you”  
I raised my legs and rubbed my inner thighs against his hip, finally submitting to my own lust as my hands reached for my shirt before I pulled it off. A sharp inhale and his breathing sped up as he gazed down on me with hooded eyes. I took his hand and placed it on my hip, guided it down my thigh to the place between my legs where I craved his touch.  
“Why don’t you find out how wet I am for you?”  
Something snapped inside of him and he cupped my face, almost threatening to hurt us both with the level of intensity as he finally pressed our lips together. I gasped at the feeling, letting out a small sob and he growled almost animalistic in response, grabbing a handful of my hair to pull me closer, licking his way into my mouth and I obliged. He tasted like americano and toothpaste and I drank him up, gasping against his lips. It was sloppy, all lips and licks and nibbles and the sound of us bounced on the walls and I got drunk on it, on him. The desperate sounds he made as he softly grinded down on me drove me crazy and I responded with his movement, rolling my body against his, the smell of his cologne surrounding me made me weak and I took deep breaths of it, tried to memorize the smell of him in my mind. With one hand still in my hair, the other stroked down the side of my body and I flinched, slightly ticklish. He chuckled into the kiss and stroked down my skin again, putting in more pressure this time.  
“Fuck” I gasped for air against his lips, his hands where all over me, eager fingers slipping into the edges of my pants and he moaned against me when my fingers travelled from his chest, over his navel and the button of his slacks, finally cupping him over his pants. I couldn’t help but gasp when I got a better understanding of how big he was, licking my lips and gulped, my arousal coiling and butterflies of excitement fluttering in my stomach like something was chasing them.  
He didn’t waste a second and began to immediately dry humping my hand, greedy for the friction he craved. My heart jumped and I couldn't help but gasp again at his impatient action.  
“Noona… tell me what to do” He whined, keen on giving me as much of him as I gave him of me.  
I reached behind me and unclasped my bra but didn’t have to give him instructions before he leaned down and flicked one of the sensitive buds into his mouth, sucking lightly and let his teeth graze against them, a playful smile on his face when he looked up at me from underneath long lashes. Playfully teasing the other with his fingertips before switching. I was a gasping mess within seconds, fingers burrowed into his hair, pressing him closer and begging him not to stop.  
“You sure you haven’t done this before?” I asked, voice shaky and he chuckled, deep and guttural as he held me in place. My mind flashed back to a few moments earlier when we talked about my feelings and he was the sweetest person I’d ever talked to. That man was blown away and Hongjoong, the man that seemed possessed while performing, the one that had thousands upon thousands of girls quaking, had taken over. He was here, between my thighs, rutting against me without a plan to stop and my heart pounded in my ears, on its way of bursting with bliss and ecstasy.  
My lips found his again, and he panted between the kisses, lost in a trance, his body shaking as he grinded down on me again and I moaned, tears formed in my eyes from arousal.  
“Tell me what you want me to do” I whispered while planting wet kisses against his collarbone.  
He was unstoppable now, a complete mess and I pulled on the lining of his pants.  
Korean sputtered from his lips in a desperate rant and I interrupted,  
“English please”  
“Help me” He choked out, making eye contact with me and I choked on air. Eyes glazed over and cheeks flushed pink so gone in his own lust that it drove me crazy.  
I didn’t waste a second and pulled down the zipper of his slacks before closing it around his hard cock. He cried out, face contorted, mouth open and his face burrowed in the crook of my neck as if he was ashamed with how lost he was already. I gave his cock a few tugs and my mouth watered as I imagined how he would feel inside me.  
“Please, please…” Hongjoong gasped and pushed on my shoulders.  
Any other words weren’t needed, and I rolled us around again, so that I was on top. I kissed his collarbone, down his chest and stomach, taking my sweet time and lapping and nibbling on his skin as I went, soaking up the sound he made. The last kiss was placed just below his navel before I made eye contact with him again as I closed my hand around his cock again. He bit his lip, head thrown back at the pillows and his hair sprawled out on it as beautifully as I thought it would. He left me breathless and now it was up to me to do the same to him as I took him into my mouth without a second thought. What sounded like a whole list of swear words in Korean fell from his lips as the tip of his cock hit the back of my throat. I hollow my cheeks and pressed up my tongue at the underside of him before licking my way up to the slit where I dipped my tongue. I couldn’t help but let out a moan at the taste, his taste, and felt my eyes tearing up as I watched him lose control. My own arousal was soaking my panties, but I didn’t care, placing all my focus on the man writhing underneath me. I went down on him again, repeating my action, bopping my head up and down, slowly but surely dipping him lower and lower into my throat until my nose touched his pubic bone. I swallowed around him, focusing on breathing slowly through my nose, saliva coating my chin and I looked up again, making eye contact with him. His eyes glossy, lips red from biting into them too hard, panting out short breaths and face and chest flushed pink and I moaned to the sight of him, sending ripples across his skin as he felt the vibrations of it, just laying there and taking all that I gave him. He placed his hand in my hair, gently and I melted in it, bopping my head again and he thrust up once, slightly to see if I minded. I usually did, but this was different, I knew that I wasn't going to be his only one. For this tour maybe, but I was going to be the first of many. He was just testing his waters with me and I was hellbent on making a perfect example on just how you were going to do it so that he never, no matter how many he’ll end up sleeping with, would find someone that was as good as me. So, I let him, and the thrusts got deeper, his hand pushing me down on his cock, using me only to get himself off and I could feel tears running down my cheeks from the stress it was causing in my throat.  
“Noona… please… I’m…”  
I paused, swallowed him down into my throat again and watched as he came undone, face contorted, his other hand twisting the sheets, body convulsing underneath me as hot spurts of cum ran down my throat and I choked and let him go before I could swallow. He cursed, hair tousled, chest heaving and cock twitching still, and I snapped a picture of this moment in my mind to carry with me. The sight of him in the tears of my eyes as magical as an aurora.  
I gave him a minute to come down from his high and felt my heart flutter when he opened his eyes again, meeting mine and rolled them at the sight of me, his tongue flicking out to wet his lips as he smirked.  
He pulled himself up to meet my lips again, kissing me chastely, teasingly and I swallowed, my heart pounding as he pushed gently on my chest. As soon as my back hit the bed, he was on top of me again, tasted my lips and moaning at the taste of himself on them. He let his mouth travel and placed butterfly kisses from my neck to my belly button, each of them leaving me shaking for more and I choked when he finally popped the button to my slacks. Taking the moment to fully undress himself as well. My panties were soon to follow, and he grinned from ear to ear when he realized how soaked they were. I hide my face in my hands, clenching my legs together, embarrassed by his eyes on me as he threw our clothes aside, voice hoarse and deep.  
“Let me see”  
He rubbed my thighs comfortingly and I separated them, earning a guttural growl from him when he finally saw my naked self, and the effect that he had on me. His fingers traced the inner side of my thighs and I clenched around nothing, so sensitive that the butterfly touches almost hurt.  
“Tell me…” He said, needing guidance in how I wanted him to proceed.  
“Touch me” I managed to get out and pressed two fingers at my clit, lazily rubbing myself, melting under my own touch.  
I grabbed Hongjoong’s hand and he mimicked me with the two fingers. I guided him and choked out a sob as the feeling of being filled exploded my senses when he reached beyond the folds, pushing his fingers knuckles deep into me. He seemed surprised by my reaction, thinking he’d hurt me and flinched away, but I kept him there, still with my hand around his wrist,  
“It’s good, don’t stop” I cried out softly, and felt my eyes roll back as I pumped his fingers.  
A gasp emitted from his lips at my sudden neediness, and he got the idea quickly, softly removing my hand and picking up the speed.  
“Good?” He asked and I nodded frantically, never wanting him to stop. My breathing uneven.  
“Can I… taste?” He met my eyes, black from lust and I couldn’t help but look down, gulping when I realized that he was already half hard again.  
Damn, I’d missed youngers guys and their infinite stamina. I nodded again,  
“Yes, God yes. Please”  
He bit down a smile of amusement at my enthusiasm before going down on me, pressing his tongue flat over my cunt, humming at the taste of it, still with his fingers inside me, his movements slower and I sobbed, bucking into his mouth. My reaction seemed to encourage him because he took another lick, pressing his nose against my pubic bone, a small smirk on his lips as he began eating me out and God, was the boy a natural. I was shaking within a minute, the sound of slurping as he drank my juices made my legs turn into jelly and stomach clench. He gently sucked my clit into his mouth, and I was a writhing mess underneath him. He came up for air, wet chin and hooded eyes and I felt my eyes tearing up from the vision. He noticed my intense stare and licked his lips, loving the taste and asked,  
“Did you dream? About this?”  
I bit my lower lip, nodding, not trusting my own voice at all and he smiled, a warmth in it that left me breathless. He slowed down his movements again and I really thought that was it but Hongjoong had other thoughts as he laid his other hand flat on the lower part of my stomach, letting out a small “Woah” and I chuckled at his reaction, “I can feel” he said, fascination in his voice and I smiled, a smile that changed into a groan when he dived back in for another taste, keeping his hand on my stomach, putting pressure on my uterus while at the same time pulling the hood on my clit up to make it more accessible . There is no way he hadn’t done this before, but I couldn't be bothered how right now, only thankful that he had the knowledge as he threatened to push me over the edge. His grunting became louder with mine and I raised myself up on my elbows, curious, only to curse when I noticed how he, in pure frustration, humped the bed, desperately craving friction. The look of him, so wantonly lost in his lust and him softly sucking on my clit again send me over and I grabbed his arm as I came, convulsing under his touch. He drank me up before pulling his fingers out of me, a look of fascination in his eyes when he separated his fingers and a string of cum connected them. He put the fingers into his mouth, sucking on them like he wanted to have every drop of me, and I gulped as he gave me a look, still with his fingers in his mouth. He went back with the same fingers, smearing the wetness there before bringing said fingers to my lips, I obliged and took them in my mouth. His eyes blinked, eyelids heavy and on half-mast as he suppresses a moan behind clenched teeth. He climbed on top of me, not giving me a chance to breathe, before he caught my lips, mouth open to welcome my tongue and I groaned at the feeling of us finally laying skin to skin, his weight on me so good that I had a hard time controlling myself.  
“Ah, wait” Hongjoong suddenly exclaimed and jumped off the bed to a shopping bag in the sofa at the other side of the room. He pulled out a package of condoms and I bit down on my finger to suppress a giggle at his adorableness, the mixed feelings of wholesomeness and devastation crossing in my stomach as he stood there, in all his glory. Honeyed skin, lean muscles, the long hair that reached passed his shoulders and cock stiff like a rock, blood filled red and smeared with pre-cum. I scooted up to the headboard, throwing myself on the pillow and reached down to play with myself, taking in every part of him and took a mental snapshot. Hongjoong finally looked up, not any wiser with the wrapper and took a shaky breath at the sight of me. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth before chewing it softly and I reached out for him as he joined me on the bed again. I broke the package and then showed him how to put it on, earning a gasp as I rolled it down. I laid down again, separating my legs and he placed himself between them. He leaned forward, grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers as I guided him in, cm by cm, adjusting to the sudden size and he burrowed his head in the crook of my neck, a cry erupted from his lips. I held my breath, and my back arched when he was finally sheathed inside me, the soles of my feet on his back, pushing him until he was balls deep. Shaky puffs of air in my ear made my skin prickle and I rubbed my thighs on the sides of his hips, stroking his chest with the hand that wasn’t being held and the touch seemed to wake him from the spell he was under because he snapped his hips, just slightly but I choked on my breath from the friction. He repeated the movement, more and more bold with every snap of his hips and soon he was thrusting into me, deep and dangerously slow. He cupped my face with his free hand and pressed his lips upon mine, it was sweet, loving and I turned into putty in his arms, rolling my body with his. I moaned with him as he picked up speed, locking his gaze with me as he pounded me into the mattress, his hand cupping my face still.  
“God Noona… so beautiful”  
I whined and grabbed a handful of his hair, pulling him down to my lips again, softly nibbling on the bottom and he inhaled sharply at the surprise.  
“Don’t be bad girl” He chuckled but I saw how a different fire had lit up in his eyes when I did that and I was going to push it as far as I could.  
I took the hand that cupped my cheek and placed it on my neck instead and he almost paused as I made him close his hand around it. His mouth fell open and his eyebrows raised, a cocky expression and I inhaled sharply when he picked up his speed again, showing no signs of getting tired. I reached between our bodies and pressed down on my clit, my head falling back against the pillow at the euphoric feeling of him so deep within me. The shortness of my breath spurring him on as he caressed my neck with his thumb. He licked his lips before leaning down again, darting his tongue out to lick across my lower lip before meeting mine and it was so sloppy and nasty, our breathing mixing together and I was close, I could feel it in my core desperately pushing down on my clit, Hongjoong looked like he wasn’t far from tipping over the edge as well. A few more thrusts and strokes over the hood of my clit and I fell, harder than I'd done ever before, my hearing blown out, body shaking and my vision blurring.  
“Hongjoong” I gasped out on the top of my high and he sobbed into my shoulder when hearing his name slip from my lips. It only took a few more seconds and he was gone as well, head thrown back and he screamed silently as I felt his cock twitching inside of me. He collapsed on top of me, breathing hard into my ear and I closed my arms around his back in an embrace. He nuzzled into my neck, mindlessly placing a kiss there and I giggled softly at the ticklish feeling. We lay there for a few more seconds until the overstimulation of being inside of me became too much and he pulled out, earning a groan from both of us, before rolling off the bed, feet light on the floor as he walked to the bathroom. He motioned me to join him and I entered the room as he discarded the condom in the wastebin underneath the basin before he started the shower. He extended his hand and pulled me under the shower head, the other hand placed on my hip and a sudden domestic feeling washed over me as he reached for the soap, helping me with my back and shoulders, massaging them softly. I returned the favour, his hair reached longer than expected when straight and wet and I combed my fingers through it, earning a small moan of satisfaction. He turned around, and I could hear myself gasp still not believing that I got to share this moment with him, and he smiled, giving me a peck on the mouth before placing his arms around me,  
"Thank you, Jagi"  
I swallowed, realizing that this was the beginning of the end and felt tears collecting under my eyes, thankful that we were standing under the shower,  
"No, thank you… for trusting me and for giving me your first time"  
I rubbed the tears that threatened to fall out of my eyes, determined not to cry. We dried up and I was just about to reach for my clothes when Hongjoong's hand on my arm stopped my movements.  
"Stay?" He asked and gulped, voice almost a whisper and I looked up at him, surprised but over the moon and I could only nod as he led us to the bed again, pulling the covers around our bodies. He held me close, took the role as the big spoon and intertwined our hands over my chest. He placed a kiss on the nape of my neck, and I took a deep breath, feeling my heart racing from the butterflies in my stomach, endorphins pumping my brain full of serotonin and I leaned back against his chest, feeling his breathing as his chest rose.  
"Sleep Jagi, I'm here" Hongjoong whispered in my ear and I melted at his words, letting my body relax.

..........

I suddenly woke up not even realizing that sleep had overtook me, it was still dark outside, the room slightly illuminated by the moonlight above and city underneath, bathing us in dim lighting. I guessed that I'd only slept for a few hours. A groaning made me aware of what woke me up and I turned around, just as Hongjoong caught my gaze. His eyes were glossed over and his breath caught in his throat when he realised, he'd been busted. I licked my lips, my arousal turning on like a light switch and I reached my hand underneath the covers, placing my hand on his chest, trailing my fingers down his frame, earning a pitched gasp. He was fucking his own hand, pulling on himself while grinding, movements erratic and I wondered how long he must've been awake, watching me and slowly losing his composition. I swatted his hand away and he let out a moan when my fingers closed around him instead. His eagerness, the clenched eyes and biting at his own lips, savouring the feeling, had me wet in seconds, the burn ticking between my legs made me squirm. He groaned as I let him go to push a finger inside myself to make sure that I was wet and slick for him. The dirty look he’d send me changed soon as I climbed on top of him. He inhaled shakily, placing his hands on my hips, and I could feel him shaking from controlling his need to grind up against my ass.  
"I have an IUD, it's like a condom but already inside me. We could do it without… I understand if you don’t want to… but I'm healthy and I can't get pregnant… it's your choice"  
He sucked his lip into his mouth, eyes heavy and cheeks flushed at my proposition, his cock twitching at the thought of coming inside of me and I licked my lips, resisting the urge to roll my body back against him as he nodded, his hands gripping my waist harder as he rose me up. I guided him in, my head thrown back and my breath came out in short pants as I felt him naked inside me. Hongjoong let out a choked sob from the feeling of being so deep into me again and I clenched around him, teasing him and he inhaled sharply, bucking his hips into me, head thrown back, blinded by lust. He pulled at my waist, encouraging me to move and moaned, guttural and hungry as I did just that.  
I placed a hand on the bedpost, the other in his hair as I ride him, arching my back and he placed both hands on my ass, helping me with the rhythm, his breathing laboured. He wouldn't last long, already ahead of me before we even started and I pushed my hand between us to furiously rub my clit, racing the finish line with him. I leaned down to catch his lips and he cried into my mouth, the thrusting irregular and offbeat and I clenched around him, urging him on as my tongue met his in another open kiss. His hands on me tightened and I brushed away hair that stuck to his forehead just in time to see his face contorted, just a beautifully as it had the first time. His back arching and head burrowing back into the pillow as he stilled his movements, his whole body tensing up from shooting his cum deep into me and I gasped at the feeling, riding out his orgasm, milking him completely dry. He pushed me away soon after and I was only offended for the few seconds it took for him to place himself between my legs. I gasped as he wasted no time, pushing three fingers into my cumfilled cunt, smirking from ear to ear at the squelching sound it made and my fingers immediately pushed down on my clit, happy that he'd noticed and was down to taking care of my orgasm as well. He pushed me over the edge faster than I wanted to admit, praising me with soft words and making sure to not leave my body until I was down from my high. We breathed deep for a minute before he leaned down, placing a soft kiss on my lips,  
"Sorry" his voice deep and husky and I sighed a smile, not believing what his was saying.  
"For waking me up?" I asked, eyebrows raised, and he nodded, an apologetic expression on his face and I cupped his face in my hand.  
He leaned into it, eyes closed, taking a deep breath and the intimacy of it made my heart jump. My other hand combing through his messy hair, small beads of sweat had collected at the roots and I could help but kiss him again, keeping him there for a little longer than necessary, breathing through the nose and revelling in the feeling of his lips pressed against mine, my hand combing through his hair again, pulling on it softly and he took a shaky breath against my lips. He leaned over me, supporting himself with one hand and placed the other on my chin, forcing my mouth open with his thumb, deepening the kiss, sneaking his tongue into my mouth. I couldn't help but moan, my hands traveling from his head, down his ribcage to his waist where I pushed him closer to me. He took another shaky breath, his hand on my chest, feeling my heart picking up speed. I got drunk on him, his taste, his smell, the way his body moved against mine send ripples over my body and I could feel how goose bumps covered my skin. He chuckled at my reaction, spurred on by it, sipped on my desire like a fine wine, his hands and lips moving over my body, making me come undone. I placed my legs over his waist, and he dug his fingers into my thighs, leaving my lips to sit up, basically pulling my lower half into his lap. I groaned at his impatient yearning, relished in him getting this worked up for me again, barely any pause in this never-ending appetite of his. I met his eyes, pupils dilated, and I could feel his heartbeat ticking in his wrist where he held me down.  
He looked ashamed again and I felt how his half-hard cock poked against my entrance as he broke eye contact. I was quick this time though, not letting him escape, cupped his face and turned his head so that he looked at me again.  
“It’s ok”  
“I can’t control myself… not with you… like this” He groaned, breath shaky and he bit down hard on his lower lip, threatening to draw blood when I couldn’t help myself from spreading my legs and he gulped at the sight of me, wet and lost in indulgence. Cum from our previous session oozed out and I pressed two fingers against my clit, back arched involuntarily as pleasure shot through my body. His grip on me tightened, a moan escaping his lips and I felt him twitching against me, pearls of pre-cum dripped from the tip and smeared on my inner thigh. My heart fluttered at the sight of him losing it again, eyes black from the incitement and I choked on my breath when his hands rubbed circles towards my waist, taking a hold of them instead. I met his eyes, nodding silently as he lined up, keeping the eye contact as he entered me for the third time this night and I muffled a cry by biting down on my lower lip, feeling like I was going to explode. His hand reached for mine and I grabbed it, lacing our fingers together as he paused. The feeling of being fully inside me again made him shudder and he paused to feel the sweet moment of just staying connected again. It was different this time, the intimate feeling that radiated between us made my heart clench and I pulled him down for a kiss before urging him to move with a snap of my hips. The obscene sound of cum leaking out of me to make place for his cock made him whine against my mouth, his thrusts hard and slow. He sat back up, head thrown back, the hand that wasn’t holding mine gripped my hip and he moved agonizingly slow, taking his time with me, watching my every reaction. A devilish smirk on his lips as he picked up the speed, and I cried out softly from the friction. But then he slowed down, almost immediately and choked out a chuckle when I swore at him. He adjusted, looking for my sweet spot and then groaned with satisfaction when I sharply inhaled, my fingers reaching between us again to lazily rub myself. He had a perfect view from his position, eyes flickering from my face and to his cock, watching how the lips of my cunt swallowed around him as he pounded my body into the mattress. I held into him, my breathing coming out in short pants.  
“So beautiful Jagi, my Jagi... mine” he whispered, letting go of my hip to place the hand over my cheek, engulfing my body with his to kiss my lips again and I sobbed into them, pouring every feeling I’d ever felt for him into that kiss.  
Every minute of every hour that I’d been cheering him on, wanting nothing but success for him, for them, never being able to do much more with a minimum wage and loans over my ears. Loving him, or at least the version he displayed for the fans, fascinated by his work ethic, his passion for the music, the way he did everything he did so effortlessly, be it rapping, singing, dancing or composing. Hoping and praying for him and his health for these past months and all it took was just a minute and he decided to share all that was him with me.  
I held onto him, breathing every word that I wanted to tell him, every feeling that I couldn’t express because I didn't want to push them on him. We shared a moment now, a moment that would change when the sun went up.  
“Don’t stop” I whispered, feeling how I was standing at the edge, ready to topple over at any second. He moaned, closing his hand around my throat in a soft grip, putting pressure on my windpipe with his thumb. There was a wildfire in those black eyes of his and it felt like I was dancing with the devil, and I threw my head back, submitting to the feeling of falling. Hongjoong choked out a gasp at the sight of me, picking up his speed to chase down his own high and I forced my eyes opened to watch him as he reached his limit. Mouth falling open, eyes squeezed shut and body involuntarily jolt against mine, erratic, filling me up again and I held onto him. The sight and my feelings shook me to the core and tears filled my eyes faster than I could stop them. He slumped against me, not bothering with the courtesy of holding himself up but I didn't mind. The pressure of his body on mine felt good and I bit onto my lips, my fingertips caressing his back and I looked out the window to see the moon lower than when I woke up. Just a couple of hours, two at most and the sun would be up.  
I swallowed and swallowed again, feeling how a big lump of anxiety formed there pushing my tears to fall and I blinked, tried to fight the feeling off but it couldn’t be helped. It only took a moment for Hongjoong to notice my uneven breathing and he hoisted himself up, scared that he’d hurt me, fear in his eyes and I waved my hand in front of me,  
“It’s not you, don’t go” I whined, cringing at my own desperation as I pushed him down on my body again with a hand on his back.  
He gave me a worried look, “Jagi…” he trailed off, not knowing how he could express his concern to me in English and I smiled,  
“I’m fine really, I just... “I looked out the window again and he followed my sight, “I don’t want to go back to sleep”  
He nodded, a sombre look on his face before he stood up and walked towards the bathroom.  
“Come” He ordered, and I followed him, feeling how the mixture of our cum trickled down my leg, hearing the shower faucet turn on.  
He turned away quickly as soon as I entered the lit-up room. Eyes strained at the bathtub as he adjusted the temperature before sitting down and made place between his legs, motioning for me to sit down as well.  
“If you want to clean” He gave me the shower head and looked away, holding the drain stopper in a death grip and my heart swelled with gratitude as I cleaned myself, holding back a moan when I realized the amount he’d put in my body. I could feel him tensing up behind me at the wet noises I produced, and I was impressed with the self-control he had. I handled him the shower head again and he gave me the drain stopper before putting on the faucet at full power, the lukewarm water nice and chill on my heated skin and I leaned back at his chest with my eyes closed. He moved away my hair from my shoulder, placing a kiss over my collarbone and I wanted to pause time, to put this memory in a treasure box and keep it safe so that I'd never forget it.  
Minutes passed as the bath filled up and I probably would’ve fallen asleep if the water was warm and my back would be pressed against anyone else then Hongjoong. His breathing was soft and regular against me and I was sure that he’d fallen asleep, but his voice told me different. He turned off the faucet, the water dangerously close to the edge and asked, embarrassment in his voice,  
“I never ask you, your name?” I snorted, amused as I realized the same thing and told my name without hesitation, smiling from ear to ear when he tried, and failed, to pronounce it.  
He asked me about my age, my family, both the one I was born into and the one I’d created with people closest to me, where I grew up. I asked back, curious about his life, about his pain and passion. We got up eventually and dried up, not stopping the endless conversation about everything from where the universe began to what I was going to watch on Netflix that evening. We were so lost in conversation that we didn’t realise the sun painting the sky a white yellow.  
The noise of knocking, however made us froze and the voice I recognized as Hongjoong’s manager said something in Korean that I couldn't make out, only guessing that he wanted him to wake up and get ready to continue traveling. Hongjoong answered and I could hear how the manager's shoes clambered away down the corridor. I looked out the window, first now realizing that time was up,  
“It’s time, Jagi” Hongjoong said what I was thinking and gave me a sad smile. I felt my heart broke, landing in the bottom of my stomach like glass shatters on stone floor, violently and piecing sharp and it was as if I got gutted, losing my breath completely as tears swelled over in my eyes,  
“Don’t cry Jagi, I promised. Only you this time, no one else”  
I nodded, feeling like I couldn't even swallow back my agony, the lump in my throat aching and I tried to breathe deep, to calm down, embarrassed by my reaction.  
This wasn’t a breakup; we’d had our moment, but I still felt empty as I took another deep breath and looked up. He took my breath away, standing in front of the window, the young morning sun like a halo surrounding him and I bit my lip as he took two fast steps toward me, embracing me with all his might before locking his lips with mine in one final kiss. I felt like we were in the climax of a movie, holding onto each other like two star struck lovers. He cupped my face, deepening the kiss and I sobbed breathlessly, tasting the salt from tears on my lips as he flushed his body against mine, gasping for air when my hands clasped the hair in the back of his neck, pulling him closer to me.  
We parted, eventually, panting for air, still holding onto each other. He moved a strand of hair that felled into my face, brows furrowed, wearing an expression of grief and I wondered silently if it was because he was going to miss the sex or if he felt the same electric feeling shooting through him, one that made his heart flutter and butterflies fly around like crazy in his belly, that I felt when I touched him. I decided that I didn't want the answer since both would only make it harder for me to leave.  
“I will see you again Jagi, I promise”  
He held out his pinkie and I took it, taking a deep breath and turning around to walk out.  
“Wait” He exclaimed and walked over to his travel bag, rummaged around for a bit before he pulled out a simple black sweatshirt,  
“It's cold… I trust you, this my favourite. Keep it… safe. Until next time”  
I pulled it over my head and the smell of him surrounded me and I couldn’t help myself from sniffing the collar, his perfume present and I nodded, “I will”  
He gave me a smile and I opened the door, looking both ways to see if the coast was clear, giving Hongjoong one final look before stepping outside.  
“Bye Jagi” He said, and I swallowed again,  
“Bye” My voice broke and I looked away, my walking quick as I almost ran towards the elevator. Not being able to stay any longer.

2 months later and I was watching Tv when the notification signal on my phone went off. There was a new retweet from Ateez, originally from MPD, hashtagged #Ateez1stWin. My heart jumped and I watched the snipped of them blowing out the candles on a cake and my heart swelled, proud over them to get the recognition they deserved. My eyes lingered on Hongjoong, the red hair and white clothes made him seem unreal, like a dream. Sometimes I questioned that I ever met him that cold, rainy day in April and seeing him, them, like this, on their way to become famous artists only made the feeling more distant.  
Gifs of them kissing the cup appeared and someone tweeted "Finally these boys can have their phones back" with an angel emoji and I put away my phone just as it buzzed again, another notification dropping in and I suddenly remembered one of the last conversations we had the morning before my departure. I’d asked why he didn’t have his own phone and he explained, as well as he could, that it was something that all companies did to keep their trainees and rookies in shape and to work collectively towards one goal;  
A first win.  
My heart pounded when I opened the notification that was sent from an unknown number:

[15:06] Jagi?


End file.
